Jimmy Espy: For the common good
Dalton Daily Citizen

Dalton City Council is pondering an ordinance that would limit the number of vehicles a property owner could park in his yard and restrict where those cars are parked.

I applaud the council for its new “get tough” attitude, but fear the ordinance does not go far enough. Why doesn’t council strike while the iron is scorching?

Let’s really clean this crummy burg up.

My suggestions:

1. No one can place on their property any flag of a foreign power. Dang it, This is Dalton, Ga., USA, not Chihuahua or Knoxville. This rule would mean no Mexican or Guatemalan flags and none of those funny looking rainbow flags … whatever country they represent. More importantly, it would mean no more Tennessee puke orange banners or Alabama crimson rags. This is Georgia – G-E-O-R-G-I-A – as in Georgia Bulldogs! Support our state’s top team or keep quiet. (Note: For the sake of fairness, council should make allowances for Georgia Tech pennants – nauseating as they are – but these should be severely limited in size. No bigger than a dollar bill, for instance.)

2. Some troublemakers oppose the ordinance, suggesting that larger families might actually need the additional automotive representation. This should not be a deal-breaker. The council can generously give such families a year to dispense with any superfluous family members. In conjunction, local families would henceforth be banned from overbreeding.

3. Council does not want its citizens parking their cars on grass. Why not move forward aggressively and simply ban grass altogether. No grass, no parking on grass. Problem solved! Henceforth, all grass should be removed and replaced with clean, shiny asphalt

….read the rest of the wit and wisdom from Jimmy Espy here. THEN: Read the online comments line and see just how brilliant this newspaper editor in Dalton Ga. really is HERE.